special treatment

Has God ever treated you special? Did it embarrass you a little? Or a lot? Did you accept it or even try to reject it because you were so embarrassed? Now that I read this back I've got to give this some background. The other day a little boy who I try to teach chess out of the blue gave me a book. How did he know? But it was a book I would really love to have. But it is an expensive reference book. I have seen copies of this book and some like it in libraries. But even most libraries will not have this specialized reference. I checked on a used bookselling site and the one copy that was available was going for $141. That's what I thought. How did this boy have this book? How did he know that I would love to look at this book? It's not about chess. I could not accept this book from this child. But I did enjoy spending an hour perusing it.

I was embarrassed that he would offer me such a book. I did not deserve it.

The disciple Thomas had an experience like that. (John 21:24+) Thomas blurted out a statement. He was disappointed that he was not there when Jesus came calling. Did he truly mean it? He was mad that he missed seeing Jesus. He wanted to be included. He certainly felt left out. Perhaps he was overstating his true feelings. Jesus called his situation doubting. Whatever it was Jesus heard his cry. He felt compassion on him.

Jesus met him right where he was. I suspect that Jesus coming to him specially, giving him a special gift embarrassed Thomas a lot. Thomas did not mean to be such trouble. Jesus came with compassion. And he told him to no longer doubt. I think Thomas was flustered. Nevertheless Thomas made the right response: "My Lord and My God!" I think this was a response of worship, of gratitude. I can vision him kneeling or bowing in awesome worship. He thanked Jesus for the personal gift.

Jesus uses this opportunity to speak prophesy to the ages, to us, to me: "Because you have seen me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see and yet believed." Brothers, sisters he is speaking about us. We have never seen Jesus face to face or touched his wounds and yet we believed.

I feel that since I have taken the leap of faith or step of faith I have seen enough to believe in a way like Thomas did. I feel I have touched God through other Christians along the way, in the body of Christ, in the community of saints, in the presence of the peace and joy of the Holy Spirit. My weak faith has been strengthened by what I have experienced. I identify with being personally encouraged as Thomas was. It should not embarrass us. God is glad to do it, he loves us that much.

Do you have personal experiences like Thomas did that keep you going, that are anchors for your faith? How has God specially loved on you this past week?

Timeless truth

I just finished a class on speaking about God. I will take away one important thing, "Find the timeless truth in a passage and apply that to modern life."

Timeless truth: If you seek God with all your heart God will be found. He promises that. Jeremiah 29:13-14. I only cry over sports movies. But that is what tears tell God. That is often what tears tell us about a person.

Jeremiah 29:13-14. So God promises to be found by those who seek him with all their hearts. You can trust in this about God. It is what's at play with Mary at the tomb (John 20). She has been there, goes and gets the men. And then she comes back. The men get enlightened. But they do not talk to her. They are still processing. So Mary is left standing by the tomb weeping, confused.

So God wishes to be found. Her heart reaches out to God. She looks into the tomb and sees two angels. None of the men saw anything. The angels say, "Woman, why are you weeping?" This is a time for joy, not weeping. Her response has a tinge of anger to it, don't you think? "They have taken my Lord and I do not know where to find him." Jesus feels compassion for her. She is seeking with all her heart. God promises to be found by all who seek with all their heart. I find it hard to do that, through all my pride. Yet it happens for me where I am unconscious of trying. Surely Mary is not conscious of trying. She is just feeling her pain, letting it happen.

So Mary turns and there is Jesus. Jesus appears first to Mary. It is because Mary is seeking and confused. Jesus repeats what the angels said. "Woman, why are you weeping? Who are you seeking?" God lets us process. Jesus helps her to figure it out. Mary has still not looked up into his face so she does not recognize him. Then Jesus calls her name, "Mary!" At that point her life is changed. God has allowed himself to be found. She responds with a word not translated, "Rabboni!" It means teacher but must mean more than that, perhaps "my teacher" is more accurate.

God promises to be found when we seek with all our heart. Lord give us the grace to seek you with all our heart.

1 Samuel 12

What a wise thing Samuel did written about in 1 Samuel 12! He was retiring, having his last all Israel meeting and sacrifice. He was retiring.

He took this final opportunity to challenge the people, saying, "Has anyone any claim against me? Have I done anyone wrong in all these long years that I have judged you? If so, make your claim now!" This was a bold thing to do. Being a judge involves hard decisions. Some people surely lost and went away angry. Would I be willing to be so daring?

And everyone said in the midst of witnesses, "We have no claim." I am in the midst of retiring from a family business and have operated it until its dissolution for over ten years. I do not think I would be so bold to ask that of my siblings. Not that we ever get together in one place. I think I am as innocent as Samuel was. And I suspect my siblings would have nothing definite to accuse me of. Though they may not be willing to openly call me innocent. Yet if asked like this, I do not think they could come up with definite charges.

Yet I know my siblings harbor misgivings. They wonder if there is something that they do not know about. So many people in Israel harbored doubts about Samuel. All that power surely might have corrupted at one time or another. But nobody knows about it. Nobody has come forward. Nobody accuses Samuel. This is like a courtroom, here is front of witnesses, all the people have sworn that Samuel goes to his retirement without any claims against him. Surely that would be a wonderful assurance for Samuel.

Judging people, being in a position of power like that surely makes some enemies. Some people felt they got the raw end of the deal. Or to heck with justice they wanted to be found innocent even if they were not. But no one could claim that Samuel did not judge impartially, without taking bribes or preferring certain people.

Some people bore grudges but in the light of day nothing was really wrong. Samuel had defrauded no one. He had taken no bribes. He had judged as fairly as possible. So Samuel was acquitted before all the people with all witnessing their admission of innocence.

What a wise thing Samuel did. Surely no author could make stuff like this up?

Psalm 38

Reading Psalm 38.

I notice he did not mention being perfect. He mentions desiring to follow God. "Psalm 38:9 O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you."

I seek the Lord. I love God. I want to do right. "Psalm 38:15 But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer?"

David is saying he seeks God. This seems to be enough. God forgives sin. He loves those of us who seek him. God is so merciful. And he loves it when we know that about him and have faith in his forgiveness.

This is a time in all of our lives when circumstances seem to overwhelm us. We see enemies attacking us, doing us evil for no reason. They return evil for our good. (Maybe we are not perfect. Maybe we might have provoked some of this. But we do not deserve this.) God will be our protector and shield.

David cries out to God. "Psalm 38:21-22 Do not forsake me, O LORD! O my God, be not far from me! 22 Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!"

This is how David concludes this psalm. We trust God answered. Let us cry out too, expecting mercy. David was far from perfect, neither are we. But God saw him as a man after his own heart. We are too when we seek God in faith.

Psalm 36

Psalms 36:1-12 GNB Sin speaks to the wicked deep in their hearts; they reject God and do not have reverence for him. (2) Because they think so highly of themselves, they think that God will not discover their sin and condemn it. (3) Their speech is wicked and full of lies; they no longer do what is wise and good. (4) They make evil plans as they lie in bed; nothing they do is good, and they never reject anything evil.

(5) LORD, your constant love reaches the heavens; your faithfulness extends to the skies. (6) Your righteousness is towering like the mountains; your justice is like the depths of the sea. People and animals are in your care. (7) How precious, O God, is your constant love! We find protection under the shadow of your wings. (8) We feast on the abundant food you provide; you let us drink from the river of your goodness. (9) You are the source of all life, and because of your light we see the light. (10) Continue to love those who know you and to do good to those who are righteous.

(11) Do not let proud people attack me or the wicked make me run away. (12) See where evil people have fallen. There they lie, unable to rise.

The sinful imagine sinful things to do. It is better to chose to imagine God's loving kindness, his goodness. That's what I get from this. When I am thinking sinfully I imagine sinful things. It is much better to put our thoughts on God. Can we find more excitement in meditating on God than on meditating on mischief, sin, evil? I like my fantasies. But at times I do enjoy my time with God. I do try to work on it, be consciously before God.

The psalmist starts by condemning the imagination of the wicked who plan evil, speak lies. They never reject anything that is evil.

Rather we should plan how to love God better. Better to imagine God and his glory.

This psalm has two obvious parts. First condemning evil, then extolling the greatness of God. Well then a third section of intercession, asking God to protect him from evil men. Right now I confess and profess and ask all three. Help me not to have evil imaginings. Second thank you and bless you God for how great you are. I confess that right now. Thirdly I ask God to protect me from men who are trying defame and ruin me. That's a real thing for me right now.

Strange new position to be in

Saturday night I got hit on by a woman. She was not too bad looking either. (Sorry DW) DW was there to watch the second half so she can confirm it, in case it seems as improbable to you as it does to me. Again as I said, after DW came over and I introduced her, she kept right on chatting me up (she was pretty drunk). I'd say she was pretty good at it.

I got a perfect spot to watch a football game and I really did not want to move. In any other case I would have trust me. Introducing my wife after she came back from getting a coke did not help. Finally I left to watch outside. I left at the end of the quarter. But DW likes to stay in the a/c. So I left her there. I'm told that she had no shame. She continued to praise me to my wife. That was a strange situation.

DW has cautioned me several times to watch myself if I am going to go to public places by myself. I need to watch for aggressive women. I have gone on St. Arnold's pub crawls. There was a woman a few years ago who asked to sit at my table. I said no. I was reading and need no companionship. At the time I really did not give it much thought. I did not see it as hitting on me. Now I am unsure. Tonight I plan to go to a bar where the Rice coach's show will be broadcast live. I am going to go to a bowling fund raiser this Saturday. I sit by myself and mind my own business. Now I have my kindle instead of a paper book. Having women hitting on me is a very new think for me.

Yet because of my very poor social skills I feel pretty immune. I know, that is when I must really be on my guard. Yet when I was younger this never happened. Besides I have never liked aggressive women, I always preferred to be the aggressor. Yet since I am so bad at it, ham handed you might say, I was always pretty safe. So my lack of social understanding of women made me pretty safe. Today on the other hand, I respect the power of hormones. Hormones rule. There will be attractions. So I had better watch myself. It's weird though. It's weird to think that some woman might find me attractive. Very weird.

Anger coming from fear

I saw yesterday (again) my raging anger. It can flash pretty hot. But my anger always stems from fear. I am a fearful person. Put into a stressful situation my first response is anger.

I am reading Jonah right now. I can relate that situation to the thoughts of chapter 2. You may wonder how. I am going to try to explain. I'd say Jonah starts out angry. He does not want to help the Ninevites, those people who were treating his people so badly, so evilly. He is angry at God, as we shall see later in the story. His anger shows itself in fear. He feared God so he tried to escape from God's presence. He knew he actually could not escape from God but he tried to anyway. (I think we do that.)

When in the boat fleeing he was picked as the man who was the cause of the storm. He did not deny it. So, in this situation at least, he did not fear men. But when asked to tell about himself (Jonah 1:9) to their many questions (they were panicked) he answered simply 1) I am a Hebrew. and 2) I fear the Lord God who made the sea and the dry land. So he knew that God was ruler everywhere, not just in Judah and Samaria.

Then Jonah was put in a large fish. Whale? Somehow he was surviving. It sounds like an organic cave. No light. Jonah seems to have repented of his anger. He remembers God's goodness. God has saved him from death in the sea. He couldn't really have expected that when he was thrown into the sea. Rather than all of them perishing only he was expected to die. The rest were saved by his brave decision. Yet Jonah did not die. God saved him too.

He says while he is sinking he remembered God. This prayer in chapter 2 seems confused as well you might imagine. God heard his prayer and saved him from out of the ocean. I hope I have enough sense to pray to God in the midst of stressful situations. After all these years of walking with God I do not think I do. That's a terrible thing to have to admit. Jonah prayed as he was drowning. I admire him for it. I think many people in life threatening situations do not pray to God and therefore are not saved when God would dearly like to save them if only they would ask. One might be tempted to be angry at God about this. Yet God is also merciful. It's not a rule. God can and does save without being asked. But God desires a relationship with us. Part of that is asking God. We acknowledge he is God and we are not. We need his help. We should ask with thanksgiving.

In his prayer Jonah vows to sacrifice to God with a thankful heart, not angry anymore. He has repented. That is when God has the fish put him out on dry land. Verse 2:4 concludes "Salvation is from the Lord." Yes it is. Don't you forget it.

I think at the beginning of his prayer Jonah is still angry but as he works through his feelings before God he repents. He realizes he wants to see God;s holy temple again. The temple is the physical representation of God in the world. Jonah loves God. God has saved him so that he can later do just that, worship at the temple. But first ...