Kenneth

Christmas is a tough time for me. It may be the darkness more than anything but I do know parties stress me. I am trying though.

I'd say all in all this has been a good year. The tree and the lights were up by Dec 8. The Christmas cards were done almost a week early. That is amazing for me. But I have to say my DW and DD gave me a lot of help. Still I had to initiate it all. They did all the shopping and cooking. I hope I did not grumble as loudly this year. I don't think I did but they may see it differently.

As I walked this morning (and discovered a few unpicked citrus trees) I thought about Kenneth. I saw one of those pillar like conifers. I remember when he died someone gave us one of those. We were to plant it over his grave. But I knew we would never return to the grave site. We never do. So I planted it in front of our house to remember. But it did not last long. It never got the size of the ones I saw on my walk. I thought of how after we die we are soon forgotten. I rarely think of Kenneth, who was our first born. He lived three days in intensive care. No one gave him much hope even though he was full sized. We lived in supreme denial until they told us he was gone. He was whisked away. We never got to say goodbye or even hug him. All the time he was in ICU he was full of tubes and wires and under a plastic sheet so we never got to touch him. That part still makes me teary. But also angry too if I let myself get in touch with it.

Kenneth would be 33 in February. I should say IS 33 in February. For I believe his soul is somewhere. Or maybe his soul awaits God's judgment and resurrection. On this earth he never had a chance to sin. However I do believe he was born a sinner like all of us. Like all of us he needs a savior, Jesus who was born in Bethlehem.

Someday we will get to see Kenneth. Praise God for his steadfast love.