Marck 10:31

"But many who are first will be last and the last first."
This is going to be fairly personal.
Jesus is speaking before to Peter question: "What will we get? We have given up everything for you."
Jesus does not deny their claim. The disciples have given up their careers and their family time for him. How many of us have done the same?
Jesus says they shall receive back one hundred times as much now and in heaven. WOW!
Does this same rule apply to us and what we give up for Jesus? How does that jive with our experience? I know I have received a lot from God for committing my life to him. How much of it is simply grace, because he loves me? How much of it falls under this reward system that Jesus speaks of here for the disciples?
What Jesus has given me back does not seem like 100 times what I have given up. But probably I have not given up as much as I think. On the other hand I do not think I could handle any more. I have been blessed with all I think I can handle. God has been very good to me.
DW has a joke, as much as we give away, it always seem like we have more. Clothes is our main example. As much as I try to clear out my closet because it is too full, and it remains too full.
But as for the concluding statement about who will be last and who will be first, I take this personally. I am thinking about my relation to the church. I feel like I have always been among the last, never given much honor. Perhaps most everyone feels this way. At times in my life I have chaffed about this. I don't think I do much anymore. I say that and when I get near a church leader I usually say something wrong. I don't mean to. But my heart must still be angry. I guess. Anyway I tend to avoid leaders but I do not seem to be able to control my mouth.
There were times when I felt ready to be a leader. But obviously no one else did. I got bitter about it sometimes. God would tell me I was not ready yet, giving me to understand that it would be later.
I once complained about this to DG. He very politely responded that it was my fault. I see that I mostly do not get along with people. I am very uncomfortable in groups, any group. I say awkward and embarrassing things that only appear that way after they are out of my mouth. Others are able to sell themselves much better than I. But does that make them called?
But I am convinced that God loves me just as I am and deals with me personally. He can use me just as I am, just not as a leader. There is room for many types of people in the Body of Christ.
But I remember Mark 10:31 (and other places). "But many who are first will be last, and the last first." Am I one of those many? I identify with the last in the church. Only God knows. But I know several people, now gone on to their reward, who I am sure were part of that last that are now first in the kingdom. Life was not fair to them here on earth in many ways. The church made up of people was not fair to them. The church did not appreciate them. But I am sure that they are appreciated in heaven. Their rewards are very great. You may know people like that too.
But I do sometimes think there is a disconnect between God's calling and man's understanding.