dreaming

I just had a long recurring dream. And then a second one which I forgot as I was writing down the first one. I think the meaning (?) of the second one was the same as the first. I start waking up every hour or so after 3 AM usually. Each time I woke up I was still brooding about the same subject.

This night (last night) I woke up with variations of the same dreaming going in my head. Perhaps it was more like a vision. I must have woken up at least five times.

In my dream I was required to get up to the top of an impossibly high ceiling and change something. Maybe it was a light bulb but no it was more than that. Once there it would take some manipulation but it would not be too difficult. At first I was on a long, very long ladder which could be leaned against a ridge than ran like a rectangle in the middle of the ceiling. I may not be describing this well. The ridge was only a few inches deep, maybe six inches. I watched myself from the ground trying to climb this ladder, slowly, taking it one step at a time. I can remember how I felt trying to use a ladder to get to the top of my house roof. Then I would be seeing the situation as through my eyes from far up.

When I got near the top I could see that the ladder had slipped or bowed (I am a big guy) and was about to fall. So I thought I should get down fast. It looked like it was about to fall, that it should fall, but it never did. I wondered if the ladder would fall all the way to the ground or would it land on the wall. In some visions it would have landed on the wall, in others it would fall all the way to the earth.

At one time I asked whether someone small might climb the ladder and I would simply hold it for them. But no this was my job, no one else would take it.

There were times when I wondered how I would get it up there. I never saw how that was resolved but it did. There were others watching and possibly helping so perhaps they helped me. But I was required to do the climbing.

It seems I never got the job done so I tried to get one of those little trucks equipped with a platform to ride myself up to the ceiling. But this ceiling was really high for this and I was afraid at that height if I shifted too much the whole thing would tip over. Looking at it in a vision from the ground it looked really precarious. This did not seem to work either so at the end of my dream I was trying to build a scaffold to reach the ceiling. But I did not really know how to build a scaffold. I never saw it completely built, only half way. And I never finished my task.

What does this all mean? Does it mean anything?

Perhaps it is related to the world view class where I pontificated way too much. I get so worked up. I ventured into a lot of areas that I know I have not mastered, just dabbled in. It may be a case of knowing enough to be dangerous. Perhaps I know a little more than others or they wisely kept their own council.

But the difference is not that significant between anyone there and myself. I still cannot reach resolution. A little voice comes to me and says I should cease trying so hard and just relax and enjoy.

If this dream is God trying to speak to me I'd say its significant that despite my striving ignorantly into a very dangerous situation I seemed to be never truly in danger. I was scared yes. But God always seemed to be taking care of me. He was watching and he cared. You could even say he was proud of me and my strivings, even if they were misguided a bit.

I think the comment by ND to the effect that there must be a balance between saying there is no faith without works (James) or there is no works without faith (Paul). Taking either one to the extreme makes one off. God may be trying to underscore that truth in my heart, not just my mind.

Thanks be to God.